Why Fundamental Research is More Important Than Improving Human Life: An IELTS Essay
Overview
This IELTS essay argues against the notion that the primary goal of science is to improve human life. It posits that the enhancement of general knowledge about the world is the more significant aim. The essay supports this view by highlighting the historical focus of early scientific studies on fundamental principles and structures, suggesting that advancements in human life are a result of this basic research. It also addresses a counterargument about the perceived uselessness of astronomy, asserting its potential for future benefits to humanity.
Key Features
- Clear Stance: The essay clearly states its disagreement with the given statement.
- Historical Perspective: It uses the history of scientific studies to support its argument.
- Counter-Argument: The essay addresses and refutes a potential counter-argument.
- Examples: It provides examples such as antibiotics and space travel to illustrate its points.
- Concluding Summary: The essay summarizes the main points and reinforces the argument.
Our Review
We find that this essay presents a reasonably clear argument, but it could benefit from more sophisticated development and examples. The connection between fundamental research and its eventual impact on human life needs to be more explicitly and thoroughly explained. While the examples are relevant, they could be explored in greater depth. The language is generally adequate, but improvements in vocabulary and sentence structure would elevate the essay's overall quality and persuasiveness. The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task but requires refinement to achieve a higher band score.
Student Submission
In contemporary society, there has been a marked increase in the number of people who display a keen interest in the rapid development of technologies. Many people think that the most significant goal of science is to improve human life, but this essay totally disagrees with this opinion because the main aim of science is to enhance general knowledge about the world.
First of all, early scientific studies were mainly about basic principles and structures of the earth, and these studies were conducted throughout the human history. The vast amount of collected knowledge is now driving a rapid development of technology and the improvement of human life. Thus, the basic and fundamental studies about the world should be considered as a main goal of science, because the improvement of human life is just a result of the studies. For example, many antibiotics are saving many people's lives, but this medicines could not be made without the microscope and intelligence about the germs.
However, some argue that the research about an astronomy is useless because that knowledge cannot help human's health or life in any ways. This is a completely wrong idea because the space travel technology might save the future humanity. For example, the rocket technology was first developed to bomb enemy nations, but today's space traveling shuttle can enable people to move to another planet which has a better environmental conditions.
In conclusion, fundamental researches are more important than only focusing into the improvement of human life, and scientific studies such as physics and astronomy can help human in a unexpected way.
IELTS Essay Assessment
1. IELTS Writing Score: 6/9 ■■■■■□□□
2. Score Breakdown:
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Task Achievement: 6/9 - The essay addresses the task, presenting a clear opinion and attempting to support it with examples. However, the arguments are somewhat simplistic and lack depth. The connection between fundamental research and technological advancement isn't fully explored. The examples, while relevant, could be more effectively integrated and developed.
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Coherence and Cohesion: 6/9 - The essay is organised into paragraphs with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the linking between paragraphs and ideas within paragraphs could be improved. Transitions are sometimes abrupt, and the flow of ideas isn't always smooth.
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Lexical Resource: 6/9 - The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, although some word choices are slightly inaccurate or informal ("totally disagrees," "completely wrong idea"). More precise and sophisticated vocabulary would enhance the essay.
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Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6/9 - The grammar is generally accurate, but there are some minor errors (e.g., sentence structure, article usage). More complex grammatical structures could be used to improve the overall fluency and sophistication.
3. Error Analysis:
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Vocabulary Errors:
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totally disagrees] -> [ strongly disagrees/holds a contrasting view ] : "Totally" is too informal for academic writing. - [
completely wrong idea] -> [ misconception/erroneous assumption ] : More formal and academic phrasing. - [
medicines] -> [ medicines/these medicines] : needs a determiner or needs to be pluralized to be grammatically correct.
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Grammar Errors:
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but this medicines could not be made...] -> [ but these medicines could not have been made... ] : Incorrect verb tense and article usage. The past perfect is needed to show the prior action. - [
that knowledge cannot help human's health...] -> [ that knowledge cannot improve human health... ] : "Human's health" is grammatically incorrect. "Improve" is a more natural word choice. - [
another planet which has a better environmental conditions] -> [ another planet with better environmental conditions ] : Unnecessary relative clause; a simpler prepositional phrase is more concise and effective.
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4. English Model Essay:
In contemporary society, the rapid advancement of technology has ignited considerable interest. While many believe the primary goal of science is improving human life, I strongly disagree, arguing that its fundamental purpose is to expand our general understanding of the world.
Firstly, early scientific inquiry focused on fundamental principles and the Earth's structure, a pursuit spanning human history. This accumulated knowledge now fuels technological progress and improvements in human life. Therefore, basic research should be considered the primary goal of science, with improvements in human life a consequential outcome. For example, life-saving antibiotics would be impossible without the invention of the microscope and the subsequent understanding of microorganisms.
Conversely, some argue that research in fields like astronomy is unproductive as it offers no immediate benefits to human health. This is a misconception; space travel technology, for instance, initially developed for military applications, now holds the potential to safeguard humanity's future by enabling us to colonise planets with more hospitable environments.
In conclusion, fundamental research is paramount, exceeding the sole focus on improving human life. Scientific disciplines such as physics and astronomy, while seemingly abstract, can unexpectedly contribute to human progress.
