How Television Ownership Dominated British Consumer Durables (1972-1985)
Overview
This essay summarizes data about consumer durable ownership in Britain from 1972 to 1985. The data focuses on items like televisions, vacuum cleaners, and central heating. The key trend shows television ownership consistently high, particularly in the early years. Other durables like refrigerators and washing machines also feature in the data, providing a comparative view of household appliance ownership over time.
Key Features
- Television ownership was consistently the highest among consumer durables.
- Vacuum cleaner ownership was also notably high.
- Central heating started with the lowest ownership numbers.
- The data spans from 1972 to 1985, showing changes over time.
- Other durables like refrigerators, washing machines, dishwashers and telephones are included.
Our Review
We found that the essay struggles with clarity and conciseness. The writing is repetitive, and the analysis is superficial. The essay relies heavily on simply stating the numbers without drawing meaningful comparisons or identifying underlying trends. The lack of clear transitions and organization makes it difficult to follow the main points. To improve, the essay needs to focus on analysis and interpretation rather than just description, using varied vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance readability.
Student Submission
The table chart illustrates the consumer durables owned in Britain between 1972 and 1985.
Overall, 1972 recorded the highest number of televisions, while central heating had the smallest number. Meanwhile, television again stood out with the highest number in 1974.
Looking at the information in more detail, consumer durables owned in 1972, 1974, and 1976 were considerably higher than vacuum cleaners at 93, 95, and 96, respectively, and 87, 89, and 92, respectively, and all other consumer durables, which were centered loosely around 90. Moreover, consumer durables television showed a similar pattern in 1978, 1979, and 1981, with the highest numbers at 96, 97, and 97 sequentially, as well as other consumer durables owned approximately at 100.
Conversely, consumer durables owned in Britain in 1983 accounted for the greatest amount again for television at 97. The vacuum cleaner, although in this figure, was second at 95, followed by the refrigerator, washing machine, dishwasher, and telephone at 93, 78, 4, and consecutively. However, in 1985, those figures were largest for the television. In comparison, other consumer durables owned were almost close to 100.
IELTS Essay Assessment
1. IELTS Writing Score: 5/9 ■■■■■□□□□
2. Score Breakdown:
- Task Achievement: 5/9 - The essay addresses the task by describing the data in the table, but the description is unclear, repetitive, and lacks insightful analysis. The writing is largely descriptive rather than analytical. Key trends and comparisons are not clearly articulated.
- Coherence and Cohesion: 4/9 - The essay attempts to organise information chronologically, but the structure is weak and lacks logical flow. There is a lack of clear paragraphing and transitions between ideas. Repetitive phrasing ("consumer durables owned") weakens cohesion.
- Lexical Resource: 5/9 - The vocabulary is adequate but limited. The writer uses some appropriate vocabulary related to data (e.g., "highest," "lowest"), but there's overuse of simple words and phrases, resulting in repetitive and monotonous language. More precise vocabulary is needed.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5/9 - The grammar is largely accurate, but the sentence structures are simple and repetitive. There is a lack of grammatical complexity. Some sentences are awkwardly phrased and unclear.
3. Error Analysis:
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Vocabulary Errors:
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[
consumer durables owned in 1972, 1974, and 1976 were considerably higher than vacuum cleaners at 93, 95, and 96, respectively, and 87, 89, and 92, respectively] -> [ The number of televisions owned in 1972, 1974, and 1976 was significantly higher than that of vacuum cleaners (93, 95, and 96 respectively) while vacuum cleaner ownership was 87, 89, and 92 respectively. ] : The original phrasing is confusing and repetitive. The revised sentence is clearer and more concise. Using "significantly higher" is more precise than "considerably higher". -
[
all other consumer durables, which were centered loosely around 90] -> [ ownership of other appliances was approximately 90 ] : "Centered loosely around 90" is imprecise and awkward.
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Grammar Errors:
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[
The vacuum cleaner, although in this figure, was second at 95] -> [ The vacuum cleaner, however, was second with 95 units ] : "Although in this figure" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised sentence is more concise and natural. -
[
and telephone at 93, 78, 4, and consecutively] -> [ and the telephone at 4 units ] : This phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The numbers should be presented clearly.
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4. English Model Essay:
The table charts the ownership of consumer durables in Britain between 1972 and 1985. Televisions consistently held the highest ownership rates throughout the period. However, other appliances also showed increases in ownership over time.
In 1972, television ownership was significantly higher than that of other appliances, with approximately 93 units per household. Vacuum cleaner ownership was considerably lower at 87 units. By 1974, television ownership had risen to 95, while other appliances remained relatively consistent. This trend of high television ownership continued through 1976, 1978, and 1981, consistently exceeding 95 units per household. Meanwhile, ownership of other appliances gradually increased.
By 1983, television ownership remained high at 97 units, followed by vacuum cleaners at 95. Refrigerator, washing machine, and dishwasher ownership also increased, though at lower rates. The most significant increase was seen in television ownership, which remained the most commonly owned appliance in 1985. In summary, while ownership of all appliances increased over the period, televisions maintained their position as the most prevalent consumer durable in British households.
