How Data Highlights Hospital Visit Patterns in Australia
Overview
This report summarizes data on hospital visits in Australia last year, focusing on patient stays in public and private hospitals across five states: New South Wales, Victoria, Queensland, Western Australia, and South Australia. The data is presented through a table detailing the number of days patients stayed in general and psychiatric hospitals, and a pie chart showing the percentage of patients with overnight versus same-day stays. The analysis highlights variations in hospital usage between states and sectors.
Key Features
- Table Data: Public general hospitals consistently recorded higher patient-day counts compared to public psychiatric hospitals across all states. New South Wales had the highest number of patient days in public general hospitals, while South Australia had the fewest.
- Private Sector: Victoria led in patient days at private general hospitals, whereas South Australia had the lowest. New South Wales and Queensland shared the highest patient days in private psychiatric hospitals.
- Total Numbers: New South Wales recorded the highest total patient days, and South Australia recorded the lowest, reflecting their respective population sizes.
- Pie Chart: The pie chart indicates that most hospital stays were in public hospitals, with both overnight and same-day stays each accounting for 30% of the total.
Our Review
The response provides a decent overview of the provided data, hitting the main points from both the table and the pie chart. However, it reads more like a summary than an analytical report. We think the writing could be improved by drawing more direct comparisons between the states and hospital types. For instance, highlighting the disproportionate use of public versus private psychiatric facilities would add depth. Also, the pie chart analysis is too brief; elaborating on the implications of the overnight versus same-day stay percentages would be beneficial. Overall, it's a competent response, but it lacks the insightful analysis needed for a higher band score.
Student Submission
The table and the pie chart both show last years’ visits to hospitals in Australia. The table shows the number of days that patients stayed at either public or private hospitals, while the pie chart shows the percentage of patients that stayed overnight or left the same day. Both charts present information for the same Australian states, New South Wales, Victoria, Queensland, Western Australia and South Australia.
The table shows the number of days patients stayed at general and psychiatric hospitals in the public and private sectors. The public general hospitals had far more patient days than public psychiatric hospitals for every state, with New South Wales having the highest general hospital patient stays at 5,816 days and South Australia having the fewest at 1,495 days. New South Wales also had the highest public psychiatric hospital patient stays at 281 days, although Victoria had the fewest at 59 days.
Patient days at private general hospitals were highest in Victoria (2,047 days) and lowest in South Australia (560 days). Patient days at private psychiatric hospitals were highest in New South Wales and Queensland at 213 days each, and lowest in South Australia (57 days).
Total numbers were highest for New South Wales (8,323 days) and lowest for South Australia (2,209 days), in line with their population sizes.
The pie chart divides the stays of the patients into overnight stays and same day stays for both private and public hospitals. From the chart it can be seen that the majority of the stays were in public hospitals both overnight and same day stays, both of these taking up 30% each of the hospital stays.
IELTS Essay Assessment
1. IELTS Writing Score: 6/9 ■■■■■□□□
2. Score Breakdown:
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Task Achievement: 6/9 - The essay adequately addresses all parts of the task, summarizing the key features of both the table and the pie chart. However, it lacks detailed comparison and analysis. The summary of the pie chart is particularly weak, failing to fully explain the data presented. More insightful comparisons between the states and sectors would improve this score.
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Coherence and Cohesion: 6/9 - The essay is generally well-organized with clear paragraphing. However, the connection between the table and pie chart analysis could be stronger. The use of cohesive devices is adequate but could be more sophisticated. The final paragraph about the pie chart is poorly connected to the previous paragraphs.
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Lexical Resource: 6/9 - The vocabulary is appropriate for the task, although there's a lack of more precise and sophisticated vocabulary. The repetitive use of "highest" and "lowest" could be improved. The writer demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, but more precise language would elevate the score.
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Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6/9 - The grammar is mostly accurate, with some minor errors. Sentence structures are generally simple, and there's limited use of complex grammatical structures. While grammatically correct, the writing lacks sophistication.
3. Error Analysis:
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Vocabulary Errors:
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last years’ visits] -> [ last year's visits ] : Possessive apostrophe placement. - [
stays of the patients] -> [ patient stays ] : More concise and natural phrasing.
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Grammar Errors:
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Both charts present information for the same Australian states, New South Wales, Victoria, Queensland, Western Australia and South Australia.] -> [The charts present information for the same five Australian states: New South Wales, Victoria, Queensland, Western Australia, and South Australia.] : Improved clarity and conciseness. The original sentence is grammatically correct but slightly awkward. - [
both of these taking up 30% each of the hospital stays] -> [both accounting for 30% of hospital stays] : More concise and grammatically smoother. The original is grammatically awkward.
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4. English Model Essay:
The table and pie chart illustrate hospital visits in Australia during the last year. The table details patient days in public and private hospitals (both general and psychiatric) across five states: New South Wales, Victoria, Queensland, Western Australia, and South Australia. The pie chart shows the proportion of overnight and same-day stays in public and private facilities.
Public general hospitals consistently recorded significantly more patient days than their psychiatric counterparts in each state. New South Wales had the highest number of patient days in public general hospitals (5,816), while South Australia had the lowest (1,495). Similarly, New South Wales led in public psychiatric hospital stays (281 days), whereas Victoria recorded the fewest (59 days). In the private sector, Victoria showed the highest number of patient days in general hospitals (2,047), contrasting with South Australia's lowest figure (560). New South Wales and Queensland both recorded the highest number of patient days in private psychiatric hospitals (213 days each), while South Australia again had the lowest (57 days). Overall, New South Wales recorded the highest total patient days (8,323), reflecting its larger population, while South Australia had the lowest (2,209).
The pie chart reveals that public hospitals accounted for a substantial majority of both overnight (30%) and same-day (30%) stays. A more detailed breakdown of the percentages for private hospitals and a comparison between overnight and same-day stays within each sector would provide a more complete picture. Further analysis comparing the data across states within each sector would also enhance understanding of the trends.
