How UK Fuel Production Changed Between 1981 and 2000
Overview
The provided line graph illustrates the production levels of petroleum, natural gas, and coal in the UK from 1981 to 2000. The essay attempts to summarize the data, highlighting the trends in production for each fuel type over the specified period. It notes the increase in natural gas production, the decrease in coal production, and fluctuations in petroleum production.
Key Features
- Petroleum: Experienced a sharp increase initially, followed by a decrease and then another increase, becoming the most produced fuel by 2000.
- Natural Gas: Showed a consistent upward trend from 1991 to 2000.
- Coal: Generally declined in production throughout the period.
- Inaccurate Timeframe: The introduction incorrectly states the period as 10 years instead of 20.
- Grammar and Vocabulary Issues: Contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, affecting clarity.
Our Review
We found this essay to be a weak response to the IELTS Task 1 question. The main issue is the lack of a clear overview, which is essential for summarizing the graph's key trends. The essay dives into specific data points without establishing a coherent narrative. The language is also a significant problem, with numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that obscure the meaning. To improve, the writer needs to focus on providing a concise overview, organizing the information logically, and using more accurate and varied language. A stronger focus on comparing and contrasting the trends would also enhance the response.
Original Topic
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The graph below shows the production levels of the main kinds of fuel in the UK between 1981 and 2000.
Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
You should write at least 150 words.
Student Submission
The linegraph indicates the quality of production by three main energies in UK in period 10 years, including Petroleum, Natural gas and Coal.
It is clear that the natural gas tended to increase between 1991 and 2000 while the Coal tended to go down. Additionally, the production of petroleum was stabled in the same year.
In period from 1981 to 1991 while the petroleum went up sharply 140 energy units in 1986, the production of Coal reached a light number was 60 energy units and natural had a 40 energy units of production. Nevertherless, in 1991 watched a significant change about three main fules, while the petrolium decreased approximately 100 energy units, in the other hand the coal went down to 55 energy units, opposites was true with the fuel's feature of nautral gas went up from 40 energy units to 55 energy units.
In the next 3 three years the production of the natural gas continued increasing and reached a dramatical number was nearly 80 energy units in 2000. In contrast, Coal reached the lowest point was approximately 38 energy units, in the other hand the petroleum went up dramatically to 140 energy units and became the most popular energy in UK.
IELTS Essay Assessment
1. Topic Analysis:
- Topic Category: Line graph
- Key Requirements: Summarize the main features of UK fuel production (Petroleum, Natural Gas, Coal) between 1981 and 2000, making comparisons.
- Coverage Assessment: The response attempts to address the topic but lacks a clear and concise summary of the main features and comparisons. It focuses on individual years rather than broader trends.
- Time Period: 1981-2000
- Data Type: Numerical (energy units)
2. Structure Analysis:
- Introduction: The introduction is weak. It uses "quality of production" which is inaccurate; it should refer to "quantity" or "level of production". The timeframe is also incorrectly stated as 10 years instead of 20.
- Overview: There is no overview paragraph, which is a significant weakness in an IELTS Task 1 response. An overview paragraph is crucial for summarizing the main trends.
- Body Paragraphs: The body paragraphs present some data but lack organization and coherence. They jump between years and fuels without a clear structure. The information is presented in a fragmented and disjointed manner.
- Logical Flow: The logical flow is poor. The information is presented chronologically but without a clear narrative or structure to guide the reader. The transitions between paragraphs and sentences are weak.
- Paragraph Division: Paragraphing is inconsistent and ineffective. The information could be better organized into fewer, more focused paragraphs.
3. Language Usage:
- Vocabulary Range: The vocabulary is limited and contains several errors. Examples include "stabled" (should be "stable"), "light number" (awkward phrasing), "Nevertherless" (misspelling), "watched a significant change" (incorrect phrasing), "opposites was true" (grammatically incorrect), "dramatical" (misspelling), "fuel's feature" (awkward phrasing). The range of comparison language is also limited.
- Technical Vocabulary: Limited use of appropriate technical vocabulary.
- Comparison Language: Limited and inaccurate use of comparison language (e.g., "in contrast," but often used incorrectly).
- Trend Description: Attempts to describe trends but often inaccurately or vaguely.
- Quantity Description: Uses numerical data but often imprecisely.
- Grammar Control: The grammar contains numerous errors, including tense inconsistencies, subject-verb agreement problems, incorrect article usage, and fragmented sentences.
- Tense Usage: Inconsistent tense usage.
- Sentence Variety: Limited sentence variety, mostly simple sentences.
- Article Usage: Incorrect article usage in several places.
- Subject-Verb Agreement: Errors in subject-verb agreement.
4. Detailed Band Scores:
- Task Achievement: 4/9 The response attempts to address the task but fails to provide a clear and concise summary of the main features. The overview is missing, and the data is presented in a disorganized manner. Important trends are not clearly identified.
- Coherence & Cohesion: 4/9 The response lacks coherence and cohesion. The logical flow is poor, and the transitions between paragraphs and sentences are weak. The lack of an overview significantly impacts the overall coherence.
- Lexical Resource: 4/9 The vocabulary is limited and contains several errors. The range of vocabulary is insufficient for this task. The use of comparison language is also weak.
- Grammar: 4/9 The grammar contains numerous errors, affecting the clarity and accuracy of the response.
Overall Band: 4/9
5. Task 1 Specific Feedback:
- Overview Quality: Absent. This is a major weakness.
- Key Feature Coverage: Some key features are mentioned, but not comprehensively or accurately. The overall trends are not clearly identified.
- Data Accuracy: The data is sometimes misinterpreted or presented inaccurately.
- Compare/Contrast: Attempts at comparison are made, but they are often inaccurate and poorly phrased.
6. Improvement Suggestions:
- Task Achievement Improvements: Write a clear overview paragraph summarizing the main trends. Organize the body paragraphs logically, focusing on clear comparisons between the three fuels. Ensure all key features are covered.
- Coherence Improvements: Use clearer transitions between paragraphs and sentences. Improve the logical flow by structuring the information more effectively.
- Vocabulary Improvements: Expand vocabulary range, using more precise and accurate language to describe trends and comparisons. Learn and use appropriate technical vocabulary related to energy production.
- Grammar Improvements: Proofread carefully to correct grammatical errors, paying attention to tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and article usage.
7. Model Essay:
(Corrected Version - A Band 6 level response)
The line graph illustrates the production levels of three main energy sources – petroleum, natural gas, and coal – in the UK between 1981 and 2000. Overall, natural gas production experienced a significant increase, while coal production showed a substantial decline. Petroleum production fluctuated, but generally remained relatively stable.
From 1981 to 1991, petroleum production rose sharply, peaking at approximately 140 energy units in 1986. In contrast, coal production remained consistently low, fluctuating between 55 and 60 units. Natural gas production also saw a gradual increase during this period, reaching around 40 units by 1991. However, a significant shift occurred around 1991. Petroleum production declined sharply, while coal production continued its downward trend. Natural gas production, conversely, began a rapid and sustained rise.
In the following decade, natural gas production continued its upward trajectory, reaching almost 80 energy units by 2000. Coal production fell to its lowest point, at approximately 38 units. Petroleum production, after its initial decline, recovered and ended the period at around 140 units, making it the most significant energy source by 2000.
(Higher Band Score Version - Aiming for Band 7-8)
The provided line graph charts the production levels of petroleum, natural gas, and coal in the UK from 1981 to 2000. A clear overall trend reveals a substantial increase in natural gas production, counterpointed by a marked decline in coal production, while petroleum production exhibited a more complex pattern of fluctuation.
Initially, between 1981 and 1991, petroleum production experienced a significant surge, culminating in a peak of approximately 140 energy units in 1986. This period contrasted sharply with the relatively stagnant production of coal, hovering around 60 units, and the more modest growth of natural gas, reaching approximately 40 units by 1991. A turning point occurred around 1991, with petroleum production experiencing a considerable drop, while coal production continued its slow decline. Natural gas, however, demonstrated a dramatic upward trend from this point.
The subsequent decade witnessed the sustained growth of natural gas production, culminating in a level nearing 80 energy units by 2000. Coal production continued its downward trajectory, reaching a nadir of approximately 38 units. Petroleum production, after its initial decline, recovered significantly, ending the period at approximately 140 units, thus maintaining its position as a major energy source in the UK.
(Highlights of Improvements): The higher band version includes a concise overview, improved paragraph structure, more sophisticated vocabulary (e.g., "counterpointed," "stagnant," "culminating," "nadir"), and more precise grammatical structures. The analysis is more insightful and focuses on identifying and explaining the key trends.
(Key Features to Note): The higher band version demonstrates a clear understanding of the task requirements, accurate data interpretation, and effective use of cohesive devices to create a well-structured and coherent response. It also utilizes a wider range of vocabulary and grammatically accurate sentences.
