How Mobile Phone Brands Performed Globally Between 2009 and 2013
Overview
This bar graph illustrates the performance of top mobile phone brands—Samsung, Apple, Nokia, LG, and ZTE—in terms of global sales during 2009, 2011, and 2013. Samsung emerges as the leader with the highest global sales by 2013, while ZTE records the lowest. The data reveals shifts in market share among these key players over the five-year period.
Key Features
- Samsung shows the most substantial growth in global sales.
- Nokia experiences the most significant decline in sales.
- Apple demonstrates considerable sales growth but still trails Samsung.
- ZTE's growth is minimal compared to other brands.
- LG also faces a decrease in sales during this period.
Our Review
We found this response to be a decent attempt at summarizing the information presented in the bar graph, but it lacks insightful analysis. The essay accurately identifies the key trends, such as Samsung's growth and Nokia's decline. However, the language is somewhat simplistic and could benefit from more precise vocabulary. The essay also makes a factual error by stating the years as 2019, 2011, and 2013 instead of 2009, 2011, and 2013. Overall, while the response is adequate, it could be improved with more detailed analysis and a wider range of vocabulary.
Student Submission
The chart presented is in the form of a bar graph. The bar graph aims to depict the top mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.
Overall, the bar graph provides information regarding the brands – Samsung, Apple, Nokia, LG and ZTE. The chart presents the global mobile phone sales for the years – 2019, 2011 and 2013. It can be observed that Samsung has highest global sales at the end of the 5 years (450) while ZTE has the lowest (60).
In detail, apart from Nokia and LG, the other three brands have achieved growth in the given time period with Samsung having the highest net increase in global sales (225). On the other hand, Nokia has faced the highest net decrease in global sales (190).
Moreover, ZTE has grown the least in the duration with a net increase of only 10. Apple has also seen significant uprise in sales (125), though still lagging in total sales in the end. Both Nokia and LG have had a downfall with Nokia’s sales dipping as low as 250 in 2013.
IELTS Essay Assessment
1. IELTS Writing Score: 6/9 ■■■■■□□□
2. Score Breakdown:
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Task Achievement: 6/9 - The essay adequately addresses all parts of the task, providing an overview and detailing key trends. However, the analysis lacks depth and some important comparisons are missed. The description is quite literal and doesn't offer insightful interpretation of the data. There's a factual error (the chart shows data for 2009, 2011, and 2013, not 2019).
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Coherence and Cohesion: 6/9 - The essay is logically organised with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion (although the conclusion is implicit). However, the linking of ideas could be improved. Phrases like "On the other hand" and "Moreover" are used, but more sophisticated cohesive devices would enhance the flow.
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Lexical Resource: 6/9 - The vocabulary is adequate for the task, with words like "depict," "net increase," and "significant uprise" used appropriately. However, there's a reliance on simpler vocabulary and a lack of range. The word choice is sometimes slightly imprecise (e.g., "highest net increase" could be more precisely phrased).
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Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6/9 - The grammar is mostly accurate, with few errors that significantly impede understanding. However, there is a lack of grammatical complexity. Sentence structures are relatively simple, and more varied sentence structures would improve the score.
3. Error Analysis:
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Vocabulary Errors:
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global mobile phone sales] -> [ global market share or units sold ] : "Global mobile phone sales" is vague. Specifying "market share" or "units sold" would be more precise and analytical. - [
highest net increase] -> [ largest increase ] : Simpler and more direct. - [
dipping as low as] -> [ declining to ] : More formal and precise phrasing.
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Grammar Errors:
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The chart presents the global mobile phone sales for the years – 2019, 2011 and 2013.] -> [ The chart presents data on global mobile phone sales for the years 2009, 2011, and 2013. ] : Correction of factual error and improved phrasing. - [
with Samsung having the highest net increase in global sales (225).] -> [ with Samsung showing the largest increase in global sales (225). ] : More concise and avoids the slightly awkward phrasing.
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4. English Model Essay:
The bar chart illustrates the market share of the top five mobile phone brands – Samsung, Apple, Nokia, LG, and ZTE – from 2009 to 2013. Overall, Samsung experienced the most significant growth, achieving the largest market share by 2013, while Nokia suffered a considerable decline.
Samsung's market share rose steadily, increasing from approximately 225 units in 2009 to 450 units in 2013, representing a substantial increase of 225 units. In contrast, Nokia's market share fell dramatically, from 440 units in 2009 to 250 units in 2013, a decrease of 190 units. Apple also showed strong growth, rising from approximately 100 units in 2009 to 225 units in 2013. LG and ZTE experienced more modest changes, with LG showing a slight decline and ZTE demonstrating a small but consistent increase.
In conclusion, the chart highlights the dynamic nature of the mobile phone market during this period, with Samsung's dominance emerging amidst Nokia's significant decline. The contrasting performances of these two brands illustrate the intense competition and rapid technological advancements within the industry.
