To What Extent Is Free Downloading of Copyrighted Material a Positive or Negative Development?
Overview
The essay discusses the impact of modern technology on the accessibility of copyrighted music and books online for free. It presents arguments for both positive and negative aspects of this development, including the benefits for students and the potential for copyright infringement and illegal activities. The essay concludes by suggesting that while technology has both upsides and downsides, its use should be regulated to achieve a balanced and beneficial outcome.
Key Features
- Discusses the convenience of downloading copyrighted material for free.
- Presents arguments for both positive and negative impacts.
- Highlights benefits for students accessing study materials.
- Addresses the issue of copyright infringement and illegal use.
- Suggests regulation to balance the development.
Our Review
This essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument, but it falls short of providing a comprehensive analysis. The language is simplistic, and the arguments are underdeveloped. We find the lack of specific examples and concrete evidence to be a significant weakness. The conclusion is also quite generic and doesn't offer a strong, well-supported stance. Overall, the essay needs significant improvement in terms of clarity, depth, and linguistic accuracy to achieve a higher band score.
Original Topic
Modern technology has made it easier for individuals to download copyrighted music and books from the internet for no charge.
To what extent is that a positive or negative development?
Student Submission
In today’s era, technology has numerous development in every field including “collecting sources from online”. Now it is more convenient to download any kind of books and music without copyright restriction for free. It seems that it leads the both positive and negative development. On the one hand, this shift plays an enormous role in individuals regular activities. It facilitates the students most, for example students obtain their required books or other sources from online platform without makes payment, that assists them to go away towards their bright future. Furthermore, people can download different types of music such as background music, without any restrictions of copyright and piracy to make various content. Consequently, it can be said that this advancement has a indirect slight contribution in economy of a country. By contrast, the development of download copyrighted songs or books for free has some drawbacks. It is fact that, it is kind of piracy because any individual can take the sources without any barrier. Meanwhile, owner of these materials can not receive profit. Additionally, many people use these things in illegal way, to illustrates they take the sources for free but they sell to others, who are not able to search these online, with a substantial amount. From my perspective, all kind of technology such download copyrighted things without any hesitation, has to be limited to get access. If authority follow the method, it will help to balance the development. To conclude, I believe that every kind of technologies have different kind of upside and downside; however, if people attempt to use it in a proper way, it will lead a balanced and beneficial consequence.
IELTS Essay Assessment
1. Academic Question Analysis:
- Question Type: Opinion
- Academic Requirements: Discuss the extent to which free downloading of copyrighted material is positive or negative, requiring a balanced discussion with supporting arguments.
- Argument Position: The essay attempts to present a balanced view but lacks a clear, concise, and well-developed argumentative stance. The conclusion is weak and doesn't effectively summarize the discussion.
2. Academic Structure Evaluation:
- Introduction: The introduction is weak. It states the topic but doesn't present a clear thesis statement outlining the writer's position on the extent to which it's positive or negative.
- Body Paragraphs: The body paragraphs present some arguments for both sides, but the arguments are underdeveloped and lack specific examples or evidence. The structure is somewhat disorganized.
- Conclusion: The conclusion is too general and doesn't effectively summarize the main points or restate the writer's position. It offers a weak and simplistic solution.
- Academic Cohesion: The essay lacks strong cohesive devices. Transitions between ideas are abrupt and lack sophistication.
3. Academic Language Analysis:
- Academic Vocabulary: The vocabulary is limited and often inaccurate. The essay relies heavily on simple words and phrases. There's a lack of precise academic vocabulary.
- Academic Grammar: The grammar is inconsistent, with several errors in sentence structure, tense, and word choice. Sentences are often simple and lack complexity.
- Academic Style: The style is informal and lacks the objectivity expected in academic writing. Phrases like "It seems that" and "From my perspective" are too subjective.
- Academic Expression: The ideas are not clearly expressed, and the arguments lack precision and depth.
4. IELTS Band Scores:
- Task Response: 5/9 The essay addresses the task but lacks a clear position and in-depth analysis. Arguments are underdeveloped and lack sufficient supporting evidence.
- Coherence & Cohesion: 4/9 The essay lacks a clear structure and logical flow. Transitions are weak, and the overall organization is disjointed.
- Lexical Resource: 4/9 The vocabulary is limited and inaccurate. There's a lack of range and precision in word choice.
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Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 4/9 The grammar is inconsistent, with several errors affecting clarity and fluency. Sentence structures are simple and lack complexity.
Overall Band: 4.5/9
5. Academic Writing Features Analysis:
- Argument Quality: Weak. Arguments are presented but not fully developed or supported with evidence. The reasoning is simplistic.
- Evidence Usage: Minimal. The essay lacks specific examples or evidence to support the claims.
- Critical Analysis: Limited. The essay doesn't offer a deep critical analysis of the issue.
- Academic Style: Informal and subjective. The essay lacks the objectivity and precision expected in academic writing.
6. Detailed Improvement Recommendations:
- Task Response Improvements: Develop a clear thesis statement outlining your stance on the extent to which free downloading is positive or negative. Support your arguments with specific examples (e.g., statistics on music industry losses, examples of educational benefits from free access to resources). Analyze the complexities of the issue rather than offering simplistic solutions.
- Coherence Improvements: Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph. Employ a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., however, furthermore, in contrast, consequently) to create a smoother flow of ideas. Improve the logical progression of arguments.
- Vocabulary Improvements: Use a wider range of academic vocabulary. Replace informal words and phrases with more precise and sophisticated alternatives. Consult a thesaurus to expand your vocabulary.
- Grammar Improvements: Proofread carefully to correct grammatical errors. Practice constructing more complex sentences using a variety of grammatical structures. Focus on improving tense consistency and subject-verb agreement.
7. Model Essay:
(A model essay would be significantly longer and more developed than the original. It would include a clear thesis statement, well-developed arguments supported by evidence, sophisticated cohesive devices, and precise academic vocabulary. Due to the length constraints, I cannot provide a full model essay here. However, the feedback above provides a clear roadmap for improvement.) The model essay would aim for a Band 6, addressing the weaknesses identified above. It would need to demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the issue, incorporating a wider range of perspectives and supporting its claims with concrete evidence.
