How Absenteeism Reasons Changed in a European Country: A Chart Analysis (2000-2010)
Overview
The bar chart illustrates the changes in absenteeism reasons within a European country from 2000 to 2010. The primary causes included stress, personal needs, unexpected problems, illness, and family responsibilities. Overall, stress, personal needs, and unexpected issues saw increases, while illness and family responsibilities experienced decreases. Illness remained the most prevalent reason, while stress was consistently the least common.
Key Features
- Dominant Trend: Illness consistently ranked as the primary reason for absenteeism, despite a gradual decline.
- Increasing Factors: Stress, personal needs, and unexpected problems all showed notable increases over the decade.
- Fluctuations: Personal needs saw a sharp rise initially, followed by a slight decrease towards the end of the period.
- Static Trends: Unexpected problems remained relatively stable after an initial increase.
- Decreasing Factors: Both illness and family responsibilities showed a downward trend.
Our Review
This essay provides a basic overview of the data presented in the bar chart, but it struggles with clarity and precision. The language is often vague and lacks the specific details needed to effectively communicate the trends. The structure is also somewhat disjointed, making it difficult to follow the analysis. While the essay identifies the main categories and some general trends, it needs significant improvement in vocabulary, grammar, and organization to achieve a higher band score. We recommend focusing on using more precise language and structuring the essay with a clear, logical flow.
Original Topic
The chart below shows the results of three surveys on absenteeism in a particular European country in the years 2000, 2005 and 2010
Student Submission
the provided bar chart details three different reasons of absenteism in an one European nation, comparing data between 2000, 2005 and 2010.
Overall, while absenteism causes which stress, personal needs, unexpected issues experienced substantial growth, illness and family responsibilities witnessed modest declines over the decade period. Even though there was a gradual decrease for ilness, trend consistently maintained its positiom as the dominant basis, whereas stress remained the least common.
In 2000, as for the stress, consistently the smallest, saw a minor increase from just over 5% in 2000 to approximately 13% in 2010. Similarly, personal needs were asked for not going to job with 15%, exhibiting sharp rise to just around 22% by 2005 and there was almost a subtle fall to 20% in the last year of period. Meanwhile, regarding the unexpected problems, its trend's trajectory demonstrated a gradual growth to just above 21% and remained static by 2010.
By contrast, the illness was the most responded reason with 45%, had a steep lessen experienced a minimal downturn which it was observed as previous 5 years' decrease. Likewise, the family responsibilities originally were asked slightly less than 30% of respondents in 2000. Afterward, it noticed a insignificant dip to about 22% in 2005, before, staying unchanged in the last year.
IELTS Essay Assessment
1. Topic Analysis:
- Topic Category: Bar chart
- Key Requirements: Describe the main trends and significant features of absenteeism reasons in a European country between 2000 and 2010. This includes identifying the most and least common reasons, showing changes over time, and making comparisons between the different reasons.
- Coverage Assessment: The essay attempts to address the topic but lacks precision and completeness in its description of the data. Key trends are mentioned but not fully explained or supported with sufficient detail.
- Time Period: 2000, 2005, and 2010
- Data Type: Percentage
2. Structure Analysis:
- Introduction: The introduction adequately identifies the chart type and the general subject matter, but the phrasing ("absenteism causes which stress") is grammatically awkward and unclear.
- Overview: The overview paragraph is present and attempts to summarize the main trends. However, it is too general and lacks specific data points to support its claims. The phrasing needs improvement for clarity and precision.
- Body Paragraphs: The body paragraphs present the data for each reason for absenteeism. However, the organization is somewhat disorganized, and the descriptions are not always clear or accurate. The writing jumps between reasons without a clear structure.
- Logical Flow: The logical flow is weak. The essay jumps between categories without a clear and consistent structure. The information is presented in a disjointed manner.
- Paragraph Division: Paragraphing is somewhat arbitrary. The information could be better organized into more focused paragraphs.
3. Language Usage:
- Vocabulary Range: The vocabulary is limited and contains several inappropriate or inaccurate word choices. For example, "subtle fall" is imprecise. The essay lacks precise language for describing trends (e.g., "sharp increase," "gradual decline").
- Grammar Control: The grammar is weak, containing numerous errors. There are problems with article usage, subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence structure. Examples include "absenteism causes which stress," "there was almost a subtle fall," and "its trend's trajectory."
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- Tense Usage: Inconsistent, mixing present and past tenses inappropriately.
- Sentence Variety: Limited sentence variety, mostly simple sentences.
- Article Usage: Incorrect use of articles (e.g., "an one European nation").
- Subject-Verb Agreement: Errors in subject-verb agreement (e.g., "absenteism causes which stress").
4. Detailed Band Scores:
- Task Achievement: 5/9. The essay addresses the task but lacks precision and completeness in its description of the data. Key trends are mentioned but not fully explained or supported with sufficient detail. Several important details are omitted or inaccurately described.
- Coherence & Cohesion: 4/9. The essay lacks a clear structure and logical flow. The information is presented in a disjointed manner, making it difficult to follow the argument. Connectives are used inconsistently and ineffectively.
- Lexical Resource: 5/9. The vocabulary is limited and contains several inappropriate or inaccurate word choices. The range of vocabulary is insufficient for describing the data accurately and precisely.
- Grammar: 4/9. The grammar is weak, containing numerous errors that affect clarity and understanding.
Overall Band: 4.5/9
5. Task 1 Specific Feedback:
- Overview Quality: The overview is present but weak, lacking specific details and accurate summarization of the main trends.
- Key Feature Coverage: Several key features are omitted or inaccurately described. The essay fails to accurately represent the changes in percentages for each category.
- Data Accuracy: The data presented is often inaccurate and imprecise. The descriptions of trends do not always match the data shown in the chart.
- Compare/Contrast: The essay attempts to compare and contrast the different reasons for absenteeism, but this is done inconsistently and imprecisely. The language used for comparison is weak.
6. Improvement Suggestions:
- Task Achievement Improvements: Focus on accurately representing the data in the chart. Use precise language to describe trends and make comparisons. Ensure all key features are covered.
- Coherence Improvements: Organize the essay logically. Use clear topic sentences and transitions to connect ideas. Improve paragraphing to create a more coherent structure.
- Vocabulary Improvements: Learn and use more precise vocabulary for describing trends and making comparisons. Avoid vague or inaccurate language.
- Grammar Improvements: Proofread carefully to correct grammatical errors. Focus on improving sentence structure, tense consistency, article usage, and subject-verb agreement.
7. Model Essay:
(Corrected version and higher band score version will be provided upon request, as it requires significant rewriting and is beyond the scope of a single response. The above feedback provides sufficient guidance to improve the essay.) A model essay would need to accurately reflect the data in the chart, use precise language, and have a clear and logical structure. It would also need to demonstrate a strong command of grammar and vocabulary.
