Why Ready-to-Eat Meals' Cons Outweigh the Pros: An IELTS Essay Sample
Overview
This essay discusses the drawbacks of relying on ready-to-eat meals instead of cooking at home. It argues that the disadvantages, particularly health concerns and economic factors, outweigh any potential advantages. The essay points to the use of chemicals to extend shelf life and the difficulty in tracking the source of ingredients as key health risks. It also suggests that ready-to-eat meals are not as economical as they may seem when considering the time and cost involved.
Key Features
- Focuses on the negative aspects of ready-to-eat meals.
- Identifies health risks associated with chemicals and sourcing.
- Argues that ready-to-eat meals are not economically sound.
- Lacks specific examples and detailed evidence to support claims.
- Contains grammatical errors and informal language.
Our Review
This essay presents a clear stance against ready-to-eat meals, but it struggles with execution. The arguments are underdeveloped and lack the supporting evidence needed to be convincing. The language is basic, and grammatical errors detract from the essay's credibility. We believe that the essay needs significant improvement in terms of vocabulary, grammar, and argumentation to achieve a higher band score. The ideas are there, but they need to be fleshed out with concrete examples and a more sophisticated writing style.
Student Submission
This days a lot has changed regarding mankinds living style one being our eating culture. Many this days prefer to purchase ready to eat meals rather than cooking for themselves. Although there is an argument if the disadvantage of this might outshine. In this essay I will try to discuss why I believe the cons of this circumstance overweight.
Analysing ready to eat meals one key point to notice is there negative impact on our health. Many reports show that the chemicals used in order to increase the shelf life of such foods will cause cancer. To add to this the source of such products is difficult to track which is a bit inconvenient for customers.
Furthermore such meals are some what uneconomical when evaluating the time needed to cook a dish at home with the period to access ready to eat one it might seem a bit unfair but when screwing in to this you may realise that you will end up wasting much mare in consuming them.
To sum up, if one looks at the fact that such food could cause health problems and also that they are economically unfair you might decide that the advantage of using this meals is so little. What will the band score will be if it was ielts writing task 2
IELTS Essay Assessment
1. Academic Question Analysis:
- Question Type: The prompt is missing. The essay attempts to address the disadvantages of ready-to-eat meals, implying an opinion-based question might have been posed. Without a specific question, a precise evaluation of task response is impossible.
- Academic Requirements: Without the question, we cannot define the specific requirements. However, a good response would require a clear position, supported arguments, and relevant examples.
- Argument Position: The essay takes a clear position against ready-to-eat meals, arguing that their disadvantages outweigh advantages. However, the argument lacks depth and supporting evidence.
2. Academic Structure Evaluation:
- Introduction: Weak. The introduction is poorly written and lacks a clear thesis statement. The phrasing ("This days a lot has changed...") is informal and grammatically incorrect.
- Body Paragraphs: The essay has two body paragraphs, but they lack detailed development. The arguments are presented superficially, without sufficient evidence or examples. The structure of each paragraph is also weak.
- Conclusion: Very weak. The conclusion is a simple restatement of the introduction's claim, lacking any insightful summary or concluding thoughts.
- Academic Cohesion: Poor. The essay lacks clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs. The flow of ideas is disjointed.
3. Academic Language Analysis:
- Academic Vocabulary: Limited. The vocabulary is basic and lacks the range and precision expected in academic writing. The essay uses informal language ("a bit inconvenient," "some what uneconomical," "screwing in to this").
- Academic Grammar: Poor. The essay contains numerous grammatical errors (e.g., "This days," "might outshine," "to add to this," "when screwing in to this"). Sentence structures are simple and lack complexity.
- Academic Style: Informal. The essay's tone and language are far too informal for academic writing.
- Academic Expression: Unclear and imprecise. The ideas are not expressed clearly or precisely.
4. IELTS Band Scores:
- Task Response: 4/9 The essay attempts to address the disadvantages of ready-to-eat meals, but it lacks depth, supporting evidence, and a clear understanding of the task. The arguments are superficial and underdeveloped.
- Coherence & Cohesion: 3/9 The essay lacks a clear structure and logical flow. Transitions between ideas are absent or weak. The overall organization is poor.
- Lexical Resource: 4/9 The vocabulary is limited and imprecise. The essay uses informal language inappropriate for academic writing. There is a lack of range in vocabulary.
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Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 3/9 The essay contains frequent grammatical errors and uses simple sentence structures. Grammatical accuracy is low.
Overall Band: 3.5/9
5. Academic Writing Features Analysis:
- Argument Quality: Weak. The arguments are simplistic and lack depth. There is no critical analysis or evaluation of different perspectives.
- Evidence Usage: Absent. The essay lacks any supporting evidence or examples to substantiate its claims.
- Critical Analysis: Absent. The essay does not demonstrate any critical thinking or analysis.
- Academic Style: Inappropriate. The essay uses an informal style and tone, unsuitable for academic writing.
6. Detailed Improvement Recommendations:
- Task Response Improvements: Clearly identify the question and address all parts of it. Develop a clear thesis statement. Provide specific examples and evidence to support claims. Explore different perspectives on the issue.
- Coherence Improvements: Use clear topic sentences to introduce each paragraph. Employ appropriate transition words and phrases to connect ideas. Improve the logical flow of ideas.
- Vocabulary Improvements: Use a wider range of academic vocabulary. Replace informal words with more precise and formal alternatives.
- Grammar Improvements: Correct grammatical errors. Use more complex sentence structures. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and punctuation.
7. Model Essay:
(A model essay cannot be provided without the original essay question. The provided text is too flawed to be effectively revised into a higher-scoring essay without knowing the specific task.) To create a model essay, please provide the original IELTS Task 2 question.
