How British Emigration Varied Across Destinations Between 2006 and 2009
Overview
This bar chart illustrates the emigration patterns of British citizens to five different countries from 2006 to 2009. Australia consistently emerged as the most favored destination for British emigrants throughout the period. Conversely, Greece attracted the fewest British nationals seeking resettlement.
Key Features
- Australia's Dominance: Australia consistently attracted the highest number of British emigrants, peaking in 2009.
- Canada's Fluctuations: Canada experienced a decline in popularity after 2007, despite having similar numbers to Australia in 2006.
- Germany and USA: Germany saw a steady flow of British emigrants, while the USA's numbers fluctuated slightly.
- Greece's Low Numbers: Greece consistently had the lowest number of British emigrants, despite a brief increase in 2007.
- Overall Trends: The chart highlights the varying preferences of British emigrants and shifts in destination popularity.
Our Review
We find that this response adequately summarizes the main features of the bar chart, identifying key trends in British emigration patterns. While the writing is clear and easy to understand, it could benefit from a more sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures. The organization of the body paragraphs could also be improved to enhance the flow and facilitate comparisons between countries. Further development of these aspects would elevate the response and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the data.
Original Topic
The chart shows British Emigration to selected destination between 2006 and 2009.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.
Student Submission
The bar chart depicts the migration of Britons to five different countries from the year 2006 to 2009.
Overall, Australia remains Britain’s most preferred destination, with the highest number of migrants year after year. The least popular country for resettlement was Greece, with the lowest numbers of people moved over the period.
Regarding Australia and Canada, In 2006, the number of people who relocated to Australia was 42,000, which was 6,000 more than in Canada. After three years, Australia recorded the relocation of 52,000 British nationals, the highest figure in four years. The second most desired nation among British citizens was Canada, with almost the same number of resettlements of 36,000 people in 2006 and 2007, but its popularity declined in the following two years, with fewer than 30,000 migrations noted in 2008 and 2009.
In terms of the other three nations, at least 20,000 people moved to Germany each year, whereas the United States’ emigration ranged between 20,000 and 25,000 people during the same time period. Although Greece had almost 35,000 visitors in 2007, it ended up with the least number of visitors, just under 15,000 compared to the other five countries.
IELTS Essay Assessment
1. Topic Analysis:
- Topic Category: Bar chart
- Key Requirements: Summarize the main features of British emigration to five selected countries (Australia, Canada, Germany, USA, Greece) between 2006 and 2009, making comparisons where relevant.
- Coverage Assessment: The response addresses the topic adequately, covering all five countries and the time period specified. However, the comparison aspect could be more developed.
- Time Period: 2006-2009
- Data Type: Numerical
2. Structure Analysis:
- Introduction: The introduction clearly states the chart type and subject matter.
- Overview: The overview paragraph effectively summarizes the main trends: Australia's consistent popularity as the top destination and Greece's consistently low numbers.
- Body Paragraphs: The body paragraphs present data for Australia and Canada in one paragraph, and the remaining three countries in another. This organization is somewhat arbitrary and could be improved.
- Logical Flow: The information flow is generally logical, but the separation of the countries into two paragraphs disrupts the natural comparison.
- Paragraph Division: Paragraphing could be improved for better clarity and flow. Breaking down the information into paragraphs based on individual countries or pairs of countries with similar trends would enhance readability.
3. Language Usage:
- Vocabulary Range: The vocabulary is adequate but lacks sophistication. The repeated use of "relocation" and "migration" is noticeable. More varied vocabulary related to emigration and population movement would be beneficial.
- Grammar Control: Grammar is generally correct, but sentence structures are somewhat simple and repetitive. More complex sentence structures would improve the overall fluency and sophistication.
- Tense Usage: Consistent past tense is used.
- Sentence Variety: Sentence structures are relatively simple and lack variety.
- Article Usage: Article usage is generally correct.
- Subject-Verb Agreement: Subject-verb agreement is accurate.
4. Detailed Band Scores:
- Task Achievement: 6/9 The response addresses all parts of the task, but the comparison aspect is underdeveloped and the organization could be improved. The data is presented accurately, but the analysis lacks depth.
- Coherence & Cohesion: 6/9 The essay is generally coherent, but the paragraphing and logical flow could be significantly improved for better cohesion. The use of linking words is basic.
- Lexical Resource: 5/9 Vocabulary is functional but lacks range and precision. Repetitive use of certain words limits the overall score.
- Grammar: 6/9 Grammar is largely accurate, but sentence structure is simple and repetitive, hindering the flow and sophistication.
Overall Band: 6/9
5. Task 1 Specific Feedback:
- Overview Quality: The overview is present and identifies the main trends (Australia's dominance and Greece's low numbers), but it could be more detailed and insightful.
- Key Feature Coverage: All key features are covered, but the analysis lacks depth and comparison.
- Data Accuracy: Data presentation is accurate.
- Compare/Contrast: Comparisons are made, but they are superficial and not systematically organized. More explicit comparisons between countries are needed.
6. Improvement Suggestions:
- Task Achievement Improvements: Develop more detailed comparisons between countries. Analyze trends over time more thoroughly. Focus on identifying and explaining patterns in the data.
- Coherence Improvements: Improve paragraphing to group countries with similar trends. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas and sentences smoothly.
- Vocabulary Improvements: Replace repetitive vocabulary with more precise and sophisticated alternatives (e.g., instead of "relocated," use "emigrated," "immigrated," "settled").
- Grammar Improvements: Use more complex sentence structures to improve fluency and sophistication. Vary sentence beginnings to avoid monotony.
7. Model Essay:
(Corrected and Improved Version)
The bar chart illustrates British emigration to five countries – Australia, Canada, Germany, the USA, and Greece – between 2006 and 2009. Overall, Australia consistently attracted significantly more British emigrants than any other destination, while Greece remained the least popular choice throughout the period.
Australia's popularity remained unwavering, with emigration figures rising steadily from approximately 42,000 in 2006 to a peak of 52,000 in 2009. In contrast, Canada, while initially a strong second choice with around 36,000 emigrants in both 2006 and 2007, experienced a decline in popularity in the subsequent two years, falling to below 30,000. Germany maintained a relatively stable level of emigration, consistently attracting at least 20,000 British citizens annually. Similarly, the USA saw a relatively stable, albeit slightly higher, number of emigrants, ranging from 20,000 to 25,000. Greece, however, remained consistently unpopular, attracting fewer than 15,000 emigrants each year, a stark contrast to the other destinations.
(Higher Band Score Version - incorporating more sophisticated language and analysis):
The provided bar chart details British emigration patterns to five distinct nations – Australia, Canada, Germany, the United States, and Greece – spanning the period from 2006 to 2009. A clear overarching trend emerges: Australia's sustained dominance as the most favoured destination, juxtaposed against Greece's consistently low appeal among British emigrants.
Australia experienced a marked increase in its attractiveness, witnessing a steady rise in emigration figures from approximately 42,000 in 2006 to a high of 52,000 by 2009. This stands in contrast to Canada, which, despite initially attracting a comparable number of emigrants (around 36,000 in 2006 and 2007), experienced a subsequent downturn, with emigration numbers dipping below 30,000 in both 2008 and 2009. Germany and the United States exhibited relatively stable emigration patterns, with consistent figures hovering around 20,000 and between 20,000 and 25,000 respectively. However, Greece remained significantly less popular, attracting consistently fewer than 15,000 British emigrants annually, highlighting a considerable disparity in its appeal compared to other destinations.
(Highlights of Improvements Made): The higher band version utilizes more sophisticated vocabulary (e.g., "juxtaposed," "marked increase," "sustained dominance"), employs more complex sentence structures, and offers a more insightful analysis of the trends and comparisons between the countries. The paragraphing is also more effective, enhancing the overall coherence and flow.
(Key Features to Note): The improved version demonstrates a stronger focus on analysis, a more precise use of language, and a more sophisticated structure, all contributing to a higher band score. The use of comparative language is more effective, and the overall presentation is more concise and impactful.
