Why Disclosing All Information Is Not Always Effective: An IELTS Essay Sample

Overview

This IELTS essay discusses the debate over whether sharing all information in scientific research, business, and academia is effective. It acknowledges that while transparency can build trust, some sensitive information should be kept private to protect reputation and maintain public confidence. The essay presents arguments for both sides before concluding that organizations must carefully consider the potential consequences of disclosure.

Key Features

• Explores both sides of the argument: the benefits of transparency versus the risks of sharing sensitive information.
• Uses examples to illustrate each point, such as a school sharing its academic approach and a business concealing a scandal.
• Presents a clear opinion that organizations should strategically manage information disclosure.
• Highlights the importance of maintaining public trust as a valuable asset.
• The essay is well-organized with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Our Review

This essay presents a balanced argument, but it could be strengthened with more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the potential consequences of information sharing. The language is generally clear, but some phrases are a bit awkward and could be improved with more precise vocabulary. While the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, it could benefit from a more sophisticated discussion of the ethical considerations involved in deciding what information to disclose. We believe that with some refinement, this essay could achieve a higher band score.

Student Submission

There are people who believe sharing most of the information in scientific research, business, and the academic world to be effective, whereas there are also a set of people who think that sharing some crucial information could be dangerous. In my opinion, some sensitive scientific research or business world or academic world should not be discussed openly without analyzing the consequences they could have. The essay will give insights into both views and have my detailed opinion at the end.

Primarily, sharing as much information as possible with people is fruitful. Communicating or announcing all the minute details about a scientific research or a business plan or an academic idea could have a positive impact as it can build trust among people. For instance, a school that openly announces its academic approach can get the attention of many parents, as it can allow the parents to believe or know how their children will be trained.

However, there are a few sensitive information that no institution should share with common public. If sharing an information could tear up their reputation, then that particular news must be covered up no matter what. Sharing such negative news with people openly can only reduce their trust. For instance, when a famous business person got into a case of cheating, that particular business authorities will do everything that it takes to not leak out the news with public, as it could tear up their reputation.

In my opinion, there are some details that should not be discussed in public, as it can possibly decrease the trust that people have on a particular organization. In conclusion, a good scientific research or business or academic institution must know what to share with the public and what not to to keep up their popularity and growth. Moreover, people's trust is the most valuable asset for any company, so it is essential to never break it.

IELTS Essay Assessment

1. IELTS Writing Score: 6/9 ■■■■■■□□□

2. Score Breakdown:

• Task Achievement: 6/9 - Addresses the task and presents a clear position, but the development of ideas could be more substantial and nuanced. The conclusion is somewhat repetitive.

• Coherence and Cohesion: 6/9 - The essay is generally well-organised with clear paragraphing, but some transitions could be smoother and more sophisticated. The use of "Primarily" and "However" feels a bit basic.

• Lexical Resource: 6/9 - Uses a reasonable range of vocabulary, but some word choices are imprecise or slightly awkward (e.g., "tear up their reputation," "covered up"). There's some repetition of vocabulary.

• Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6/9 - Generally accurate grammar, but there are some noticeable errors in sentence structure and punctuation.

  3. Error Analysis:

• Vocabulary Errors:

  • [tear up their reputation] -> [ damage their reputation ] : "Tear up" is usually used for physical objects. "Damage" or "tarnish" would be more appropriate for reputation.
  • [covered up] -> [ suppressed ] or [ concealed ]: "Covered up" is informal. "Suppressed" or "concealed" are more formal and suitable for this context.
  • [minute details] -> [ specific details] or [ detailed information ]: "Minute" means extremely small, which isn't the intended meaning here.

• Grammar Errors:

  • [there are a few sensitive information] -> [ there is some sensitive information ] : "Information" is uncountable.
  • [when a famous business person got into a case of cheating, that particular business authorities will do everything that it takes to not leak out the news with public] -> [ When a famous business person is accused of cheating, the business authorities will do everything they can to prevent the news from leaking to the public.] : This sentence is awkwardly structured and contains grammatical errors.

  4. English Model Essay:

  Sharing information is fundamental to progress in scientific research, business, and academia. While transparency is generally beneficial, concerns exist regarding the potential risks of disclosing sensitive information. I believe that while open communication should be encouraged, certain information requires careful consideration before being shared publicly.

Proponents of open access argue that sharing information fosters collaboration and trust. For example, in the academic world, openly publishing research findings allows for peer review, accelerating scientific advancement. Similarly, businesses that are transparent about their practices can build stronger relationships with customers and stakeholders. This openness can enhance public trust and create a positive brand image.

However, there are legitimate reasons for withholding certain information. Releasing sensitive data, such as proprietary business strategies or preliminary research findings, could be detrimental to an organisation's competitive advantage or potentially misconstrued by the public. In some cases, disclosing information about a company's financial difficulties or internal conflicts could damage investor confidence and negatively impact its stability. Therefore, a careful assessment of the potential consequences is crucial.

In conclusion, while the free flow of information is generally desirable, a balance must be struck between transparency and discretion. Organisations have a responsibility to share information openly to foster trust and collaboration, but they also have a right to protect sensitive data that could be harmful if released prematurely or without proper context. Ultimately, a nuanced approach that considers the specific circumstances is essential.