Why Living Away From Family Affects Students' Academic Life

Overview

This IELTS essay explores the advantages and disadvantages of students living away from their families while pursuing education. It argues that while there are benefits to independence and personal growth, the drawbacks, particularly concerning academic performance and potential negative influences, outweigh the positives. The essay uses personal examples to illustrate its points.

Key Features

• Discusses both advantages and disadvantages of students living away from home.
• Arguments are presented using an "on the one hand/on the other hand" structure.
• Includes personal anecdotes to support claims.
• Identifies potential negative impacts on academic life due to lack of guidance and financial pressures.
• Highlights the risk of students being exposed to negative influences and criminal activities.

Our Review

We find that this essay, while addressing the prompt, needs significant improvements in several areas. The arguments are somewhat superficial and lack in-depth analysis. The language used is often imprecise, with noticeable errors in grammar and vocabulary that hinder clear communication. The structure, while attempting to present a balanced view, suffers from weak transitions and a lack of cohesion between paragraphs. The examples provided are relevant but need to be more thoroughly integrated into the arguments to strengthen their impact. Overall, the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic but falls short of a higher band score due to issues with clarity, coherence, and linguistic accuracy.

Student Submission

Few countries students live with their parents, however other states scholars attend institution in different area. I believe, residing away from families has more drawbacks than
advantages. It would affect on their academic life. On the one hand, it has some benefits. When a student takes his admission in a university of another city, he has to be prepare for live alone because he can not obtain his family members there. He will be enough mature if he obsessed to stay and reside without any company. It can help to make a individual more responsible than before. Pupils can learn how to survive in difficult and how to handle challenging situation without any facilitate of God creatures. Furthermore, some of them adopt cooking skill which is an interesting skill for human beings. For instance, my aunt who is a doctor and she was took her degree from Netherland. Although she was so lazy when she lived here, now she is a great cooker besides her passion. On the other hand, go away from blood relatives to take higher education, has plenty of setbacks. Students were feel free when they leave their home for receive a high quality degree. They do not have to take permission from home when they are going to do something. It affects on their mindset and choose wrong path because they do not obtain proper guidelines. Few scholars get involved in notorious gang and detrimental peers who contributes a rise in crime rates in specific area. Moreover, schools has to work as specific characters such as waiter, delivery man, cleaner and so on, for cover their living costs and tuition fees, which leads a numerous bad impact on their future. For example, my cousin went to Canada for taking highest degree but he had to work around 8 hours and thus he failed in his semester final. To sum up, from my perspective, it is well to go away from home for educational purpose but it require to know that what is the impacts of living long distance. It depends on their dedication.

IELTS Essay Assessment

1. IELTS Writing Score: 5/9 ■■■■■□□□□

2. Score Breakdown:

• Task Achievement: 5/9 - The essay addresses the task by presenting both advantages and disadvantages of students living away from home. However, the arguments are underdeveloped and lack depth. The examples provided are somewhat relevant but not fully developed or convincingly linked to the main points. The conclusion is weak and doesn't effectively summarise the arguments.

• Coherence and Cohesion: 4/9 - The essay attempts to structure the arguments using the 'on the one hand/on the other hand' approach, but the paragraphs lack logical flow and cohesion. Transitions between ideas are often abrupt and lack sophistication. The overall structure is somewhat disorganised.

• Lexical Resource: 5/9 - The vocabulary is adequate but contains inaccuracies and inappropriate word choices (e.g., "God creatures," "obtain his family members"). The range of vocabulary is limited, and there is some repetition of words and phrases. There is a tendency to use overly simple vocabulary.

• Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4/9 - The grammar contains numerous errors, including subject-verb agreement issues, tense inconsistencies, and incorrect preposition usage. Sentence structures are often simple and lack complexity. There are frequent errors in articles and word order.

  3. Error Analysis:

• Vocabulary Errors:

  • [obtain his family members] -> [ find his family ] : "Obtain" is inappropriate in this context.
  • [God creatures] -> [ people ] : This phrase is unnatural and inappropriate.
  • [facilitate of God creatures] -> [ help from others ] : This phrase is grammatically incorrect and semantically unclear.
  • [obsessed to stay] -> [ committed to staying ] or [determined to live] : "Obsessed" has a negative connotation and is not suitable here.
  • [detrimental peers] -> [ negative influences ] or [ bad company ] : More natural and precise phrasing.
  • [specific characters] -> [ various jobs ] or [ different roles ] : "Specific characters" is unclear.
  • [highest degree] -> [ postgraduate degree ] or [ advanced degree ] : More precise depending on the context.

• Grammar Errors:

  • [Few countries students live…] -> [ In few countries, students live… ] or [ Few students live… ] : Grammatically incorrect sentence structure.
  • [It would affect on their academic life] -> [ It would affect their academic life. ] : Incorrect preposition usage.
  • [he has to be prepare for live alone] -> [ he has to prepare to live alone ] : Incorrect verb form and preposition.
  • [she was took her degree] -> [ she received her degree ] or [ she obtained her degree ] : Incorrect verb tense and word choice.
  • [Students were feel free…] -> [ Students felt free… ] : Incorrect verb tense and subject-verb agreement.
  • [They do not have to take permission from home when they are going to do something] -> [ They don't need to ask permission from home to do things. ] : More natural phrasing and grammatical correctness.
  • [schools has to work…] -> [ students have to work… ] : Subject-verb agreement error.
  • [which leads a numerous bad impact] -> [ which has numerous negative impacts ] : Grammatically incorrect and unnatural phrasing.

  4. English Model Essay:

Many students choose to live away from their families while attending university, while others remain at home. While there are certain advantages to independent living, I believe that the disadvantages significantly outweigh the benefits.

One potential benefit is the development of independence and self-reliance. Living alone necessitates managing daily tasks, such as cooking, cleaning, and budgeting, fostering a greater sense of responsibility. This experience can be valuable in preparing students for adult life. For example, my aunt, a doctor who studied abroad, learned valuable life skills while living independently, improving her organisational skills and self-sufficiency.

However, the challenges of living away from home can be substantial. The lack of familial support can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, potentially impacting academic performance. Students may also face increased financial pressures, forcing them to take on part-time jobs that can detract from their studies. My cousin, for instance, struggled to balance work and his studies while pursuing a postgraduate degree, ultimately affecting his academic results. Furthermore, the absence of parental guidance can expose students to risky behaviours and negative influences, leading to poor decisions that can have long-term consequences.

In conclusion, while living independently can offer some benefits in terms of personal growth, the potential negative impacts on academic success, mental wellbeing, and financial stability are considerable. The decision to live away from home should be carefully considered, taking into account the individual's maturity level, support network, and ability to manage the challenges involved.