How Appliance Ownership and Housework Time Changed Over Time
Overview
This essay analyzes charts that illustrate the changes in ownership percentages of various electrical appliances and the corresponding amount of time spent on housework in a particular country between 1920 and 2019. The data reveals a general upward trend in appliance ownership coupled with a decrease in housework hours over the specified period. The essay describes the fluctuations in ownership for washing machines, vacuum cleaners, and refrigerators, as well as the decline in the number of hours dedicated to housework per week.
Key Features
- Appliance Ownership Trends: The essay highlights the growth in ownership for washing machines, vacuum cleaners, and refrigerators, noting specific percentage changes over different periods.
- Housework Time Reduction: It points out the significant decrease in weekly housework hours from 1920 to 2019.
- Specific Data Points: The essay mentions specific percentages and timeframes to illustrate the changes, such as the initial ownership of washing machines at 40 percent and the steep rise in vacuum cleaner ownership.
- Fluctuations and Plateaus: It notes periods of gradual decrease, stability, and dramatic increase in appliance ownership.
- Overall Trends: The essay summarizes the general trends of increasing appliance ownership and decreasing housework time.
Our Review
After reviewing this essay, we feel that while it identifies the key trends in the provided charts, it lacks the depth and precision required for a higher band score. The writing is somewhat repetitive, and the analysis could benefit from more insightful connections between the data points. For example, while the essay mentions the increase in washing machine ownership, it doesn't explore potential reasons for the temporary decline between 1960 and 1980. Similarly, the essay could be improved by using more varied vocabulary to describe the changes and trends. Overall, it provides a basic overview but misses opportunities for a more nuanced and sophisticated analysis.
Student Submission
The charts compare the percentage change in ownership of electrical appliances and the amount of time spent during housework in households in 1 country between 1920 and 2019. Overall, all appliances had shown growth by the last year of the chart. The number of hours of housework declined from 1920 to 2019. Firstly, the washing machine started at 40 percent and had increased by 1960. Until 1980, it went down from 70 percent to just above 65 percent, decreasing gradually. Then, it reached its peak level in 2019, rising by 10 percent. The vacuum cleaner had shown a steep rise by 2000, just climbing from 30 percent to one hundred percent. It remained stable from 2000 to 2019. Refrigerators went up dramatically from 1920 to 1940, increasing from 0 percent to around 55 percent, and climbed from 1940 to the next 20 years later, just showing 35 percent growth. After that, the number of households increased by approximately 10 percent and stayed at the same level from 2000 to 2019. The number of hours of housework per week started at 50 hours and had declined sharply by 1960, falling by 30 percent. From 1960 to 1980, it showed a gradual drop and had declined modestly by the end
IELTS Essay Assessment
1. IELTS Writing Score: 6/9 ■■■■■□□□
2. Score Breakdown:
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Task Achievement: 6/9 - The essay addresses the task by comparing the trends in appliance ownership and housework time. However, the description lacks detail and precision in some areas. The analysis is present but could be more in-depth and insightful. Specific data points are mentioned but not always effectively linked to overall trends.
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Coherence and Cohesion: 5/9 - The essay is organised into paragraphs addressing different appliances and housework time. However, the connections between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be improved. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent and sometimes illogical (e.g., the sudden jump to "refrigerators" after discussing vacuum cleaners). The overall flow is somewhat disjointed.
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Lexical Resource: 6/9 - The vocabulary is adequate for the task, but the range is limited. There's some repetition of words like "increased" and "percent." More precise vocabulary could enhance the description of trends (e.g., instead of "went up dramatically," consider "experienced exponential growth").
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Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6/9 - The grammar is mostly accurate, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and sentence structure. Some sentences are overly long and complex, hindering clarity. While the essay demonstrates a range of grammatical structures, there's room for improvement in precision and fluency.
3. Error Analysis:
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Vocabulary Errors:
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had shown growth] -> [ experienced growth ] : More precise and natural phrasing. - [
had increased by 1960] -> [ had increased to approximately X% by 1960] : Needs a specific percentage for clarity. The same applies to other similar phrases. - [
just climbing from 30 percent to one hundred percent] -> [ rose sharply from 30 percent to 100 percent] : More concise and precise language. - [
showed a gradual drop] -> [ demonstrated a gradual decline] : More formal and sophisticated vocabulary. - [
declined modestly by the end] -> [ experienced a modest decline by the end of the period] : More complete and precise.
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Grammar Errors:
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all appliances had shown growth by the last year of the chart] -> [ all appliances showed growth by the end of the period] : More concise and natural phrasing. Avoids the repetitive use of "had." - [
Until 1980, it went down from 70 percent to just above 65 percent, decreasing gradually. Then, it reached its peak level in 2019, rising by 10 percent.] -> [ Between 1980 and 2019, it gradually decreased from 70 percent to approximately 65 percent before experiencing a 10 percent rise to its peak.] : Improves the flow and clarity of the sentence. This combines two sentences for better flow. - Several sentences are run-on sentences and lack clear punctuation. These need to be broken down for better clarity.
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4. English Model Essay:
The charts illustrate the percentage change in household ownership of three electrical appliances—washing machines, vacuum cleaners, and refrigerators—and the corresponding alteration in weekly housework hours across a century, from 1920 to 2019.
Overall, ownership of all three appliances increased significantly over the period, while the average time spent on housework decreased dramatically.
Washing machine ownership started at 40% in 1920 and rose steadily, reaching approximately 70% by 1960. A slight decline to around 65% occurred between 1960 and 1980, followed by a further increase to its peak of approximately 80% in 2019. Vacuum cleaner ownership showed a more dramatic upward trend, rising from 30% in 1920 to 100% by 2000, where it remained stable until 2019. Refrigerator ownership experienced exponential growth from 0% in 1920 to approximately 55% by 1940. This growth continued at a slower rate, reaching approximately 85% by 1960 and remaining relatively stable at around 95% until 2019.
Conversely, the average weekly housework hours fell sharply from 50 hours in 1920 to approximately 20 hours by 1960. This downward trend continued at a more gradual pace until 2019, reaching approximately 10 hours per week. This significant reduction in housework time closely correlates with the increased ownership of labour-saving appliances.
