IELTS Essay Sample: Expenditure Comparison Across Nations

How Expenditure Varies Across Nations: An IELTS Bar Chart Analysis

Overview

This essay analyzes a bar chart that compares expenditure percentages across five major categories (food, housing, transportation, healthcare, and clothing) in the United States, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Japan for the year 2009. The analysis attempts to highlight the key differences and similarities in spending habits among these countries. However, the original text suffers from inaccuracies in data representation, grammatical errors, and a lack of clear comparisons.

Key Features

Compares spending habits across four countries.
Focuses on five expenditure categories.
Identifies the US as having the highest housing expenditure.
Notes Canada's higher spending on food and clothing.
Highlights the US as the most health-conscious in terms of healthcare spending.

Our Review

The original response struggles with accuracy and clarity. The data is not always presented correctly, and the writing contains numerous grammatical and lexical errors. The analysis also lacks depth; it simply states figures without providing meaningful comparisons or drawing insightful conclusions. We believe that a stronger response would focus on more precise data representation, improved grammar and vocabulary, and a more coherent structure. The writer needs to focus on sentence construction and proofreading.

Student Submission

The bar chart illustrates the information of expenditure for five major categories in the United States the United kingdom, Canada, and Japan in the year 2009. The units a measured in percentage.

Accorading to the chart, for food, the expenditure in the US was almost 13%, while in the UK, reached 15%. In contrast, the canada expenditure was 21%, and the Japan expenditure was 24% respectively.

In a similar vein, for Housing, 24% of population expenditure by the UK.The population of the canada and Japan was almost 23%. The USA population expenditure was 26% for housing that was highest among the countries.

Similarly, for transportation services, in the canada 20% of people used it. following countries used 18% by the Us 15% by canada and 11% by Japan

for Health care services, 9% of US people was most health concious. likewise, the canada and the Japan percentage was each 5%. By the UK, the ratio was 3% during the given time period.

for clothing, highest expenditurre was.

8% by conada, while the UK, expenditure was 7%. The expenses of clothing in Japan was appromixately 4%. The us expenses ratio was lowest among the others that was 4%

IELTS Essay Assessment

1. IELTS Writing Score: 4/9 ■■■■□□□□□

2. Score Breakdown:

Task Achievement: 5/9 - The essay attempts to cover the main features of the bar chart, but lacks precision and overlooks some key details. The overview is weak and comparisons are limited.
Coherence and Cohesion: 4/9 - While there is a basic paragraph structure, the information is not always logically organised. The use of linking words is repetitive and sometimes inappropriate. There is some difficulty following the writer's train of thought.
Lexical Resource: 4/9 - The vocabulary is limited and often inaccurate. There is overuse of simple words and phrases, and attempts at more complex language are often unsuccessful. There are issues with spelling and word formation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 3/9 - There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and articles. These errors often impede understanding.

3. Error Analysis:
Vocabulary Errors:
- [Accorading] -> [ According ] : Spelling error.
- [the canada expenditure] -> [ Canadian expenditure] or [expenditure in Canada] : Incorrect phrasing.
- [In a similar vein] -> [ Similarly ] or [ Likewise ] : Overused and sometimes inappropriate.
- [24% of population expenditure by the UK] -> [ Expenditure on housing in the UK was 24% ] : Incorrect phrasing. Percentage refers to expenditure, not population.
- [health concious] -> [ health-conscious ] : Spelling and hyphenation error.
- [highest expenditurre was.] -> [ Canada had the highest expenditure on clothing. ] : Incomplete and grammatically incorrect.
- [appromixately] -> [ approximately ] : Spelling error.
Grammar Errors:
- [The units a measured in percentage.] -> [ The units are measured in percentages. ] : Missing verb "are" and incorrect plural form of "percentage".
- [the canada and the Japan percentage was each 5%] -> [ The percentage for Canada and Japan was 5% each. ] : Incorrect article usage and awkward phrasing.
- [By the UK, the ratio was 3% during the given time period.] -> [ In the UK, the figure was 3% during the given period. ] : Unnatural phrasing. "Ratio" is not the correct term here.
- [following countries used 18% by the Us 15% by canada and 11% by Japan] -> [ The US, Canada, and Japan spent 18%, 15%, and 11% respectively on transportation. ] : Incomprehensible and grammatically incorrect.
4. English Model Essay:

The bar chart compares consumer spending in the United States, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Japan across five key categories in 2009, with figures expressed as percentages.

Food accounted for the largest share of expenditure in Japan (24%) and Canada (21%), while consumers in the UK and the US allocated a smaller proportion of their budget to this category, at 15% and 13% respectively. Housing followed a different pattern, with the US having the highest expenditure at 26%, followed by the UK at 24%. Canada and Japan showed similar levels of spending on housing, around 23%.

Transportation costs represented 20% of expenditure in Canada, compared to 18% in the US. This figure was considerably lower in the UK and Japan, at 15% and 11% respectively. Healthcare expenditure was highest in the US (9%), contrasting sharply with the UK (3%). Canada and Japan dedicated a similar proportion of their spending to healthcare, around 5%. Finally, clothing expenditure was highest in Canada at 8%, followed by the UK at 7%. Japan and the US allocated the smallest percentage to clothing, both around 4%.

Overall, the chart reveals significant variations in spending patterns across the four countries, with Japan and Canada generally allocating a larger share of their budget to food, while the US prioritised housing and healthcare.

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