Why Studying at Home or Away Offers Unique Advantages
This essay explores the benefits of students living at home versus studying in another city, arguing that both options provide distinct advantages depending on individual circumstances and preferences.
Overview
The essay discusses the advantages of students living at home with their parents while studying, such as reduced costs and increased safety. It also explores the benefits of studying in a different city, including increased independence and new experiences. The essay concludes that both options have their merits and that the best choice depends on the individual's background and interests, ultimately leaning towards the view that studying in a new city is preferable for personal growth.
Key Features
- Presents two opposing viewpoints: studying at home and studying in another city.
- Identifies cost savings and safety as primary benefits of staying at home.
- Highlights independence and new experiences as key advantages of studying away.
- Includes personal opinion favoring studying in a new city for self-improvement.
- The structure follows a basic argumentative essay format.
Our Review
This essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument. However, it suffers from significant weaknesses. The language is riddled with grammatical errors and imprecise vocabulary, hindering clarity. The arguments presented are somewhat superficial and lack in-depth analysis or supporting evidence. The structure is present but the transitions are weak, making the essay feel disjointed. While the essay expresses a personal opinion, it lacks a nuanced understanding of the complexities involved in the decision of where to study. Overall, substantial improvements in grammar, vocabulary, and argumentation are needed to achieve a higher band score.
Student Submission
In many countries, some students tend to accomodate at home with their parents while they study, in the other hand some students make a decision to learn at a university in another city. With the topic, I totally both of opinions can give us losts of advantages when we have a journey at a school.
When you study home with your family the have two main reasons that stay at home while you sutdy have several profits, firstly we can make tituision become economical while study at another city require a lot of expenese such as, acomodation, water bill, transpostation, food and berverage,.... the opposite is true when you live at home that costs which mentioned are not a problem since both your mom and dad will address them. The second reason accomodate at home can protect your life from the temptations. Because of social are extremly complex and sometimes you'll put in the dangerous situiation that can affect harful in your life including criminals, heroins,... So stay at home you maybe keep in safe because your parent always protect you from the danger.
Moving to the another statement that study at a university in another city also gives you quite benefits. Firstly living in another city helps you become independence as when you graduate from high school and prepare for a new trip, you don't depned on your family so live in a new city is the best way to deveplop yourself. In the other hand attend university in new urban give you new experiences because accomodating a strange place can teach you how to make a good relationship with your mates who from other provinces in your country, determine youself 'who am I' and building several skills that teach from the social such as control emotion, investment, how to deal with the pressure.
In conclusion, live at home when you study or join in university in another city depend your background and your interest whether you like living in a new city or not. We can claim both of opinons about the topic gives us different views and benefits. With my personally view, studying in new city is the best option for you who want to improve your self in future.
IELTS Essay Assessment
1. IELTS Writing Score: 5/9 ■■■■■□□□□
2. Score Breakdown:
- Task Achievement: 5/9 - The essay addresses the task, presenting both sides of the argument. However, the arguments are underdeveloped and lack depth. The conclusion is weak and doesn't effectively summarise the main points. More specific examples and detailed explanations would improve this score.
- Coherence and Cohesion: 5/9 - The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the linking words are often misused or inappropriate ("in the other hand," "the opposite is true"), leading to a lack of smooth flow. Paragraphing could be improved for better organisation.
- Lexical Resource: 4/9 - The vocabulary is limited and contains several errors ("accomodate," "tituision," "expenese," "berverage," "social are extremly complex," "depned"). While some attempt at more sophisticated vocabulary is made, it's often inaccurate or inappropriately used.
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4/9 - Grammatical errors are frequent and affect the clarity of the writing ("With the topic, I totally both of opinions...," "stay at home you maybe keep in safe"). Sentence structures are often simple and repetitive. There's a lack of grammatical range.
3. Error Analysis:
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Vocabulary Errors:
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accomodate] -> [ accommodate ] : Incorrect spelling. - [
tituision] -> [ tuition ] : Incorrect spelling. - [
expenese] -> [ expenses ] : Incorrect spelling. - [
berverage] -> [ beverage ] : Incorrect spelling. - [
depned] -> [ depend ] : Incorrect spelling. - [
deveplop] -> [ develop ] : Incorrect spelling. - [
mates] -> [ friends/peers ] : While not grammatically incorrect, "mates" is informal and less suitable for an academic essay.
- [
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Grammar Errors:
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With the topic, I totally both of opinions...] -> [ I believe both opinions have merit... ] : Grammatically incorrect and unclear. - [
When you study home with your family the have two main reasons...] -> [ There are two main reasons why students choose to live at home while studying... ] : Grammatically incorrect and awkwardly phrased. - [
stay at home you maybe keep in safe] -> [ living at home may keep you safer ] : Grammatically incorrect and awkwardly phrased. - [
In the other hand attend university...] -> [ Alternatively, attending university... ] : "In the other hand" is incorrect usage. - [
determine youself 'who am I'] -> [ discover who you are ] : Awkward phrasing and grammatically incorrect.
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4. English Model Essay:
Living at home while studying or attending university in another city are both viable options, each offering distinct advantages. Choosing between these two depends heavily on individual circumstances and personal preferences.
Living at home offers significant financial benefits. Tuition fees are often the primary expense, but living at home eliminates additional costs associated with accommodation, utilities, and transportation. This allows students to focus on their studies without the added stress of financial burdens. Furthermore, the familiar and supportive environment of home can provide emotional security and reduce the risk of encountering potentially negative influences.
However, attending university in a different city fosters independence and personal growth. The experience of living independently encourages self-reliance and problem-solving skills. Students develop crucial life skills such as budgeting, managing their time, and navigating unfamiliar social situations. Exposure to diverse perspectives and cultures broadens their horizons and enhances their personal development.
In conclusion, both options present valuable opportunities. While living at home offers financial stability and a supportive environment, studying in another city fosters independence and personal growth. The optimal choice depends on the individual student's priorities and aspirations.
