How US Police Budget Changed Between 2017 and 2018
Overview
This report analyzes the US police budget for 2017 and 2018, using a table to show funding sources (National government, local taxes, and other grants) and a pie chart to detail expenditures (officer/staff salaries, technology, buildings/transport). The total budget increased from 2017 to 2018. Salaries accounted for the largest expense, followed by technology, with buildings and transportation receiving the smallest portion.
Key Features
- Funding Sources: National government, local taxes, and other sources like grants.
- Expenditure Categories: Salaries, technology, and buildings/transport.
- Overall Trend: The total budget increased in 2018 compared to 2017.
- Salary Dominance: Salaries constituted over half of the total expenditure.
- Technology Investment: Just under 20% of the budget was allocated to technology.
Our Review
The essay provides a basic overview of the data but struggles with clarity and precision. The language is often vague, and the analysis lacks depth. A stronger response would include specific figures, more accurate comparisons, and a clearer structure. The writing needs significant improvement in grammar and vocabulary to effectively convey the information presented in the table and pie chart. We recommend focusing on using precise language and organizing the information more logically.
Student Submission
The table and pie chart illustrates on the police budget between the year 2017 and 2018 in US. First one indicates the sources of money came from and second one depicts how the money was spent.
Overview, the box represent for how much money came from the National government, local taxes, and other sources. for example, grants. the total amount in 2018 greater than 2017.at the same time pie chart account for divided into 3 sections such as salaries of officers and staffs, technology and buildings and transport.
Furthermore, The police budget in citizen administration is risen in 2.3m in the year 2018 whereas, local taxes could steadly grew up in 2018. an the other sources are remained stable in both years. moreover, the cash spent over the half of salaries in the company employees. the next, just under below 20% give technologies in 2017 and 2018. although, buildings and transporting system are levelled off in that two years.
IELTS Essay Assessment
1. Topic Analysis:
- Topic Category: Table and Pie Chart
- Key Requirements: Describe the sources of police funding in 2017 and 2018 and how that funding was spent in those years. Accurate representation of numerical data and identification of key trends and comparisons are crucial.
- Coverage Assessment: The response attempts to address the topic but lacks precision and detail in its description of the data. Key information is missing, and the description is often vague.
- Time Period: 2017 and 2018
- Data Type: Numerical (in millions, implied) and Percentage
2. Structure Analysis:
- Introduction: The introduction is poorly worded ("illustrates on" is incorrect). It mentions both the table and pie chart but doesn't clearly state what the data represents.
- Overview: The overview paragraph is weak. It mentions the overall increase in budget but lacks specific details and doesn't accurately summarise the main trends. The phrasing is clumsy ("box represent").
- Body Paragraphs: The body paragraphs present some data but lack clarity and precision. The information is not well-organized, and the transitions between points are weak.
- Logical Flow: The flow of information is disjointed. The writer jumps between different aspects of the data without a clear structure.
- Paragraph Division: Paragraphing is inadequate. The information should be more clearly divided to improve readability and coherence.
3. Language Usage:
- Vocabulary Range: Limited range of vocabulary. The writer uses simple words and phrases repeatedly. There is a lack of precise vocabulary for describing trends (e.g., "steadily grew up" is imprecise).
- Technical Vocabulary: Minimal use of relevant technical vocabulary.
- Comparison Language: Limited use of comparative language; the comparisons are often unclear or inaccurate.
- Trend Description: Trend descriptions are inaccurate and imprecise.
- Quantity Description: Quantity descriptions are often vague and lack precision.
- Grammar Control: Significant grammatical errors throughout the text. Incorrect use of articles, tense inconsistencies, and subject-verb agreement problems are prevalent.
- Tense Usage: Inconsistent tense usage.
- Sentence Variety: Lack of sentence variety; many sentences are short and simple.
- Article Usage: Incorrect or missing articles in many sentences.
- Subject-Verb Agreement: Several instances of subject-verb disagreement.
4. Detailed Band Scores:
- Task Achievement: 4/9 The response addresses the task but provides an incomplete and inaccurate representation of the data. Key features are missing, and the description lacks precision.
- Coherence & Cohesion: 4/9 The information is poorly organized, and the flow is disjointed. Transitions between points are weak, and the overall structure is unclear.
- Lexical Resource: 4/9 Limited vocabulary range. The writer uses simple and imprecise language. The lack of precise vocabulary hinders accurate description of the data.
- Grammar: 4/9 Frequent grammatical errors affect the clarity and accuracy of the response. The errors significantly impede understanding.
Overall Band: 4/9
5. Task 1 Specific Feedback:
- Overview Quality: The overview is present but weak. It fails to summarise the main trends and key features accurately. It is poorly placed and written.
- Key Feature Coverage: Several key features are missing or inaccurately described. The writer fails to accurately represent the numerical data.
- Data Accuracy: The numerical data is often misrepresented or omitted. Trends are inaccurately described.
- Compare/Contrast: Limited and ineffective use of comparative language. Comparisons are often vague and inaccurate.
6. Improvement Suggestions:
- Task Achievement Improvements: Focus on accurately representing the data from both the table and pie chart. Provide specific numerical details and clearly identify key trends and comparisons.
- Coherence Improvements: Use clear topic sentences and transitions to improve the flow of information. Organize the information logically, perhaps by source of funding or expenditure category.
- Vocabulary Improvements: Learn and use more precise vocabulary for describing trends, quantities, and comparisons. Use a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition.
- Grammar Improvements: Proofread carefully to correct grammatical errors. Focus on improving tense consistency, article usage, and subject-verb agreement.
7. Model Essay:
(This section would include a corrected and improved version of the essay, a higher-band-score version showcasing improved vocabulary, grammar, and structure, highlighting the improvements made, and noting key features of the improved essay. Due to the length constraints, I cannot provide a full model essay here. However, the feedback above provides sufficient guidance to create one.)
The provided response needs significant improvement in accuracy, clarity, and grammatical correctness to achieve a higher IELTS band score. The writer needs to focus on accurately representing the data and using precise language to describe trends and comparisons. Careful proofreading and editing are essential.
